Sunday, August 26, 2012

Where's Waldo? Still here....barely! :)

I haven't posted in a long while but, have tried to keep the Facebook page active as much as I could. With trouble going on with my sister and trying to keep her from getting custody until she gets help, and then the whole month in a cast plus month of physical therapy and then getting the whooping cough thing, it's been a little hard.
The whooping cough thing was and still is probably the single worst experience I've had getting sick period. Most adults it barely phases but, me it dang near landed me in the hospital for a lengthy stay. I begged to be let out under strict orders of bed rest and the promise that my mother would be with me 24/7 to care and look after my boys so I could rest. Then the hospital staff went to work on why a month had past and the cough and lung congestion was bad. There is where my life will forever change.

First let me start off by saying it has been a rough decision on whether to share all of this with you. It is personal and there are a lot of misconceptions associated with this. I still hesitate to tell some folks because of this but, I tell my boys never be ashamed of who you are, no matter what tic, what you can or cannot do, what you can or cannot hear, what you comprehend or what you have don't know. Embrace what makes you, you and then make the world accept you or leave. It will be their loss for not having known you. So, here I go about to tell you all something that overall is no big thing but, is personal for me, for some reason.

I want to premise this though by saying two things though. One, I have been exceptionally tired the last few years. If you knew me personally, I'm one of those annoying morning people, I sing and dance in the middle of the store, for my boys and I don't care who is looking. I am annoying bubbly and there is always a silver lining. Over the last few years though, it would take everything I had to get up and clean or make meals. I was tired all the time, to the point I began to wonder if I was depressed. Even blogging and trying to keep FB up was beginning to get harder. The more stress I was under the worse I felt too. I used to workout vigorously 6 days a week - yes, one of those annoyingly perky people in the gym at 5am! :P If I couldn't afford the gym, I would work out 4x a day at home in 15 - 20 min. increments. I love it but, as I grew more tired, I lost the motivation to do anything, including walking.

Secondly, I had two pregnancies, both were different. One more difficult than the other but both similar in that I had gestational diabetes. I was told the first time that there would be a chance that I may get diabetes later in life, the first time. The second pregnancy I was told that having gestational diabetes meant that I would hands down, no bones about it, get diabetes at one point in my life. I was thinking, that like most of the population not until my 50s, 60s or 70s. What I have learned in this last week is that having it guaranteed I'd be diabetic within 5 - 10 yrs of the very first time I had oldest son is almost 8yrs old.

The reason I could not shake the whooping cough and am still fighting it, you guessed it I am diabetic. It's not the end of world really by a long shot but, the misconception I've faced in the last week alone is a bit disheartening. Because of my lack of energy, yes, I have put on a bit of weight and if you know anything about diabetes, high blood sugars are really not conducive in loosing weight, they're very good at adding those extra pounds though. So, to hear family members say, well you're diabetic because, you've put on weight is a tad annoying, not to mention a bit hurtful. It's true I've put on weight but, not for trying hard not too.

Talking to the doc, the diabetic nurse and the dietitian, they pulled my records from the last 5 yrs at least. What they found was that I've been spilling sugars in my urine at high levels for years now and that NO ONE told me! What they told me was devastating to me. That I would have to go on medications along with the diet to control my sugars. That they were going to start me on a small dose and in a week or two raise my dosage. Confident in my ability to control my sugars with my diet, as I had done it twice before, I asked him if I got it under control could I go off of the meds. He knows me well enough to know that I prefer to do things on my own, not even taking an Ibuprofen unless I can't deal with the pain. He grabbed my hands and told me that because I had had gestational diabetes, there was most likely no way that I could ever go off of meds. They could reduce the dosage but, in all likely hood, short of a miracle, I would take meds for the rest of life.

Alright, this is not a death sentence, I know this but, if you knew how I am, this was awful to hear. I actually broke down in tears. :P So, between the meds that I actually begged for to help with the pain of torn, stretched and ripped muscles in my back and sides, I've spent the week trying to quickly master the diet I knew how to do once before only with a lot more restrictions. It's been a little harder than I remember. lol I can hit the carb count but, way overshoot the fat, or vice versa. It's been worth it though, a few days in and I have a lot more energy than I have in years. Though that comes and goes. I have even celebrated not seeing a sugar level past 300 for at least a couple of days now and today I awoke to my first "fasting" level below 200! It was barely below but, it was a great feeling to see a 1 in that spot instead of a 2!

I am telling you all of this because well, I don't want you to think I've abandon you. I'm a little tired from the meds they have given to help the muscles and the ups and downs of blood sugar, plus that medication have made me a little up and down as well! :) The good news is that so far, no kidney damage, circulation is good, and though my eyes are of  concern, and will be checked once my sugars come down to a more stable, lower level, Which brings me to a third point, please don't tell someone that if they just loose a few pounds they're be fine or that because they're overweight, that is why they're diabetic. While this may hold true for some people it is not always the case. Like in mine, I got it because of genetics and because I had it unknowingly, I then put on the weight. The weight wasn't the cause of it. So, please be mindful of what you say and maybe learn a bit about it before you open your mouth.

Thirdly, though my friend Jessie never reads my blog, I want to thank her for all of her support through this. She has Type 1 Diabetes. Still she had 3 kids, even though she wasn't suppose to. She is on an insulin pump and has lost an eye even but, despite it all, she coached me through both pregnancies and now is helping me acclimate to being diabetic for life. She's a rock star! Also, my momma, who does read this sometimes. At 66yrs old, she dropped everything to come and take care of 2 special needs boys who even on ADHD meds and diet can run rings around someone half her age. Who is also type 2 and has agreed to go on this journey with me, eating right and exercising again. Which is a big deal for her. I really hope that you all have this kind of support in your lives and I want to thank you all for being here waiting on me. As soon as my muscles heal a bit better, the cough ceases to be so severe, I'll be back and better than ever!

Hugs to all of you.